Reflections on the Challenges of Maintaining My Fitness Routine (2-part post)

Written March 10, 2010, South Korea

Original Title: "Losing Motivation & Maintaining Progress...Damn, It's Tough!"

In the past few entries, I’ve been SUPER motivated and speaking to the world out of the mouth of my ambitious and lovely Gemini persona. Life is about balance and because I want this relationship to be genuine, it wouldn’t be fair to you if I didn’t introduce the other side of myself… 

What up? I’m the Raina that despite all of the knowledge and goodwill in myself and the world, am inflicted by my human nature. In other less dramatic words, I’m the side that is less motivated, lazy, frustrated, unsatisfied, always hungry and just plain tired of going to the gym twin!! I joke, but this is real talk, Man. I have been feeling this way for the last several day and to anyone who knows about working out and dieting, you also knows that a couple weeks off of a consistent workout & eating routine is all that it takes to send ur ass back to square one! 

The main reason why its taken me so long time to write this new blog entry is because I haven’t wanted to engage with you in this way! I thought, what can I say and does it really even matter? However, I came to conclude that because I confided in you before about how aware I am of times like this (the ones where I look in the mirror and say, "ok girl, you're lookin good!- enough"), from past experience, that I should talk myself through this familiar pattern-openly-and break the cycle once and for all! 

I’m coming to realize that I consciously associate so much pleasure to my physical appearance. That when I feel like I look the way that that feels satisfactory, than I'm good and start to “enjoy life fully” by slowing down (and eventually stopping) the process that got me to that point. 

I love eating healthfully. This is just something that I have trained myself to associate with immense amounts of pleasure about 7 years ago when I became a vegetarian. This being said, I rarely eat crap, BUT, I have had a tendency to just eat (good foods) whenever I’m bored, wanting to unwind or simply while thinking (my favorite pastime). I believed that because the food was healthy, that it wasn’t necessary to worry about eating as much as I wanted whenever I wanted, despite not even feeling hungry at times. 

Because the weather has been abnormally cold, wet and gloomy for the past few weeks, I have had a problem being and feeling my best under these conditions. Its sick, because I know that I’m blessed! NOTHING is wrong in my life and I have more to be thankful for than a great deal of people. I shouldn’t be so damn caught-up on myself! However, I have been and have allowed myself to take a limited amount of time to be so. 

Currently, I'm isolated on an island abroad (quarantined :) and am anticipating a huge transition in my career & romantic life. This blog has been good for me and because I've committed to talking so openly with all of you- I'm hypersensitive to my inner workings! Thanks for listening.

 Part 2 

 

In my effort to combat total self and goal sabotage, I have done several key things to push myself back onto my path to success. I’d like to share them with you. 

1. I reminded myself, of my goals and all the good advice that I had originally received at the start of my journey 

2. I went back to the drawing board and revamped my workout routines with varied options 

3. I re-evaluated & changed some of my daily/weekly goals. Originally, I had the time and energy to work out every day. These days, I’m working much more (40 hr+, I'm a working woman!) and realize that it’s enough to workout in every-other-day.

4. I researched the nutritional value of the foods I eat most & make smarter food choices. The main part of my workout burn out was related to my lack of satisfaction with the overall results I was getting from all the time I was spending at the gym! My “healthy munching” was totally working against my mission! I never knew how high in calories Walnuts, Almonds, Raisins and sunflower seeds are! * even when i'm weak and just want to satisfy my lack of satisfaction with something tasty, I know exactly how bad the worst food choices are and I only let myself slip but so far. 

5. I started preparing most of my meals at home & eating more at meal times and MUCH less in between. *I also bring an apple with me, for those times when I get hungry and am tempted to just eat some quick crap. I have saved madd dough too. 

6. I added more goals to my list- all basic, yet things I never followed through on correcting or focused on seriously in the past (e.g. portion control, eliminating snacking, not eating an hour before bed, calorie monitoring-intake and output). As you may be able to tell, I'm a bit anal and over-concerned with this part of my life! 

I think it’s because of my past experiences with body image - from both extremes- and because again, I'm currently living a super chill and stress free life away from the US. In my mind, I need to be working avidly at something. But, this level of health awareness is not totally healthy, nor even necessary, I know. But at this point, Im trying to simply establish a routine and system that I will just be my style. After Im well established, and hopefully even during the laying of this foundation, I will feel like I have the mental & physical space to develop the other goals I have previously written about. 

This space and this time is perfect for this type of inward over-analysis and self-rejuvenation. I don’t foresee being able to be this selfish or secluded in the near and far future. 

If you’ve read all the way to this point, its for 1 of 3 reasons, I assume… A. You're bored and my venting is surprisingly amusing B. You too have felt the wrath of a lack of will/motivation to follow through on a goal C. You just love me and wanna understand the way this wacky mind of mine is working while I am so far away. If its none of these, leave me a comment and let me know why!